There is a passage in 1 Kings that has become near and dear to me these days. Isaiah, the Lord's prophet is being very obedient. In Mel's version....The Lord tells him to tell the king some things that are very hard to hear. The punishment for being so blunt being death. So after Isaiah has really pissed off some people he is led far far in to some woods where he finds a stream of running water. He drinks from this brooke and is fed by some birds. The Lord is taking care of him. He lives here for awhile until one day the brooke of his hope dries up. WHAT? Right, exactly what I was thinking. The Lord moves Isaiah in to a town where he finds a widow...a poor widow that has been cast out by society I imagine...her son is all she has. He asks her for food and she says..."pssshhh, I got my own to feed." (remember this is my version) Isaiah tells her not to worry that the Lord will provide enough for her and her son if she allows him in. So she does, and sure enough...more food than she had before and enough to sustain them. Until her son dies she is really believing in this God Isaiah serves. WAIT. Her son dies? Good job God...that's what Isaiah is thinking. But he goes to the boy and prays that the Lord will bring him back to life...and He does. Now this widow really believes in the power of God.
So why do I like this? Well, Isaiah is in God's will and his life is a journey. See, the widows house was only a stop on the way....and God used him. After the brooke dried up Isaiah could have sat there until he died asking "WHY? You led me here didn't you? WHERE'S MY DANG FOOD?" But instead he willingly moved. God had a different plan, a different person, a different path for his life. And Isaiah could have laughed when God said "Ask the poor hungry widow for food" but he did not. He may have had a few intense conversations with our Father but he obeyed. You see, if we believe, we are all destined to change the world. But if we stay in one place we may never grow. What if that brooke never dried up? Do you think Isaiah would have given a second thought to the mighty power that created those flowing waters? Or would he have just glanced at it when he needed something to drink...having faith in his own survival skills? If it were me I'd be like, "ok God, got my water...thanks...see ya later". What about you?
I am in God's will. Austin is in God's will. We did not choose this life, we were called. I think about what our lives were like before the Air Force. I think we both felt moved towards something for a couple of years. But we until we realized it was the Air Force...we took the brooke for granted. Now we are in between. We are stuck, apart, lonely and wishing for the promise to be back together. Emotionally, I feel very unsafe. I feel like I should not trust any one with this heart. Not even those closest to me. Austin is the one I have shared my heart with, he's the one who has seen my imperfections and said.."it's ok, I still love you." But what if Isaiah had done that with the widow? What if he had said, "Lord, I love you and everything but this lady seems a little crazy and smelly. She has nothing and certainly could reject me."? She would have never witnessed a testimony of the living God. Once again, it wasn't about Isaiah...it was about that woman...dying...hungry...physically and spiritually. So THERE IS PURPOSE FOR THE IN BETWEEN.
For me it is a daily struggle. What is my purpose here? I left all of our possessions locked up in a storage unit. I left a job where I felt like I had a family. I left kids that needed me. I left a life that I was comfortable in. I let go of having him here everyday. WHY? I have no idea. All I know is that this is a journey. I don't feel like I'm walking. I feel like I am crawling, gasping for air. I wake up and I pray, "Lord, help me get up because I don't want to. Give me some kind of purpose today." I feel trapped. Who am I? To be honest, when you take away everything that gives you comfort you see what your faith truly lies in. I love being comfortable. And some days I fight God to give it back to me. It's like taking a passy from a two year old. They just don't understand. I am the poster child for someone who is in between what was and what will be.
So wherever you are today, if you feel like you are in between anything....whatever you do...don't do nothing. Someone is in between being loved...now they feel rejected and wonder when they will feel accepted again. Someone is in between jobs, wondering when their perfect purpose aligns. Someone is in between faith, feeling like hope was left behind and there is no reverse gear. Someone hasn't felt complete since they were little, as soon as life was a reality they gave up. Someone has a sick child and wonders what is the purpose of watching a baby suffer? Someone has spouse who is away....and falls asleep in just as much agony as they had when they woke up. I'll try to remember my life is story....a story of restoration.
"I can feel a phe0nix inside of me as I march to alone to a different beat. I am ready for the road less traveled. Suiting up for my crowning battle. This is test is my own cross to bear, but I will get there. It's never easy to be chosen never easy to be called...I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames...calling out my name. I can see the writing on the wall. I can't ignore this war. At the end of it all, WHO AM I LIVING FOR. I can feel this life that's inside of me growing fast in to lightening. I know one strike will shock the world." -Katy Perry (maybe she is in between?)
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