Hey ya'll! WOW it's been like almost 2 months since I've updated this thing! I guess that makes me a slacker??

I can definitely say that I am experiencing a very wide range of emotions! Knowing that this season of separation from my husband is coming to a close- I am overjoyed! But knowing that I will leave behind the ones that love me most is very hard. I find myself laughing and enjoying people and all of the sudden a deep sadness is felt in the pit of my stomach. I keep saying, "God we thought this was a good idea, why again?".

My niece Kate took her first steps last week. She is three and special needs. When I went to see her walk and she took her first steps to me....I smiled on the outside but on the inside I realized that she will continue to grow and I may not be here to see that. Finding things out via phone calls or facebook takes second to seeing her sweet spirit fight for the life God has for her. Layla, the newest addition to the Benton family...is an explosion of personality. Being able to bond with her as she grows is priceless. Layla will accomplish anything and everything she wants to do. She will love her sister and her family. She will bring laughter and healing. And though we may be apart for a season, we will always have a special bond. Her love for music, dancing and laughter will be enough to bring us together every time we see eachother.

Luca, ahh my sweet Luca. Another story of God's faithfulness. When Luca was first adopted by Jen and Paul I did not think that being a big part of his life would ever be realistic. Jennifer has been my mentor for a long time. Being able to give the love she gave me to the heart that beats outside her chest is amazing. He is my buddy. God has taken this tiny soul and used it to hug me, love me, and allow me to do the same for him while Austin has been away. In my heart he is an irreplaceable gift that God brought to me when I needed it the most.

Initially my thoughts for the little ones above and the ones not mentioned was, "but God, what will they do without me? How will their hearts hurt when I am gone?" God spoke to me and reminded me that HE is their God. He has given them all they need and more to succeed on their journeys. The real question is "God, what will I do without them?". See the truth is...I probably need them more than they do me.

I have lived here my entire life. While my dreams have always been to travel and experience different cultures and people...I am terrified! Isn't it what God has for us that scares us the most? What if I am not good enough? What if I fail? I guess I'll keep that dream hidden inside...just incase I experience rejection. Austin and I do not want our lives to be full of "what if"? I have envisioned what our lives would have been had we not joined the AF. Honestly, I see two sad people sitting on a couch having the "why didn't we?" conversation. That to me is more tragic than leaving. I'd say there are parts of who I am that have been idle...also tragic. I found myself looking at a picture of my little kid self...man if I could talk to her. First of all, I'd hug her (me). I would tell her so many things. If she's anything like me...she'd cry...(lol). Then we'd sing together...probably a combination of Sandi Patty meets Katy Perry. HAHA.

Did you know womens brains are like spaghetti noodles? Guys are more like waffles. We can think of a million things at once. Kind of like this entry....random noodles everywhere!

I have a GEORGIA DREAM SHEET. I made it in order to be able to set goals and get excited!
1. Find a church family. Actively sing in that church every chance they will let me
2. For our home to be a safe place...a place people find comfort...a place we can minister...a place we learn more about Jesus.
3. To be involved in the lives of the women there. No matter what it cost me, I want to love them. I want to be light walking in to a potentially dark and sad place.
4. To see an alligator cross the street... : )
5. Take a few photography classes at Valdosta st.
6. Battle people on xbox kinect dance central!
7. Mercie to make doggie friends at the dog park
8. To learn to cook for Austin (for real people!)
9. Find a way to worship in every circumstance, every hard time, when doubts are heavier than hope.
10. Have a job I love as much as I loved working at Rutherford.
11. To build special intentional relationships with people who have no hope.
12. To believe God. (I believe IN God...but sometimes I don't believe Him. Ya know?)
13. and MORE!

I also have a Georgia play list in the making on my Itunes

1. God is God -Steven Curtis Chapman
2.Moment made for worshipping -S.c.c
3. I will follow- Chris Tomlin
4. Seasons - Natalie Grant
5. Time in between - Francesca Battistelli
6. Who am I living for- Katy Perry
7.Go hard- Rebel
8. These hard times- Needtobreathe
9.Come Away With Me- Norah Jones
10. Feels Like Reign- UnNamed Servant

....there will be more! I will be listening to this mix on my drive to GA! Hopefully it will calm my spirit!

Thanks for reading ya'll!! Austin and I cherish your prayers. We will be moving Feb. 19th. He will be home from tech school on the third of February! Love you all!!