Job (long O)

"Such is the destiny of all who forget God; so perishes the hope of the godless. What he trusts in is fragile; what he relies on is a spider web. He leans on his web but it gives way; he clings to it, but it does not hold" - Job 8:13-15


I don't even know where to begin. I started reading Job a few days ago. Why? I've always disliked the story, the despair...the chaos. It is not exactly my favorite book of the Bible. God allowing satan to take everything a man loves out of his life to prove he is faithful is painful. Yes, I can say that. God already knows. lol. Revelation is another book I have yet to dive in to. But that's another story. ANYWAYS, so I started reading this mans story. At first I was like, "geez this guy whines alot!". Then I started to relate to him. Knowing I serve a faithful God does not mean I do not have days that I cry and say, "WHY GOD? What is this all about?". It's an emotion that every Christian experiences but feels ashamed to admit. After all, aren't we BELIEVERS? If we aren't saying "PRAISE THE LORD!" people may think we are doubting God. But don't we all.

I find it ironic God laid on my heart the book of Job (long O)...also pronounced...Job (soft O). To be honest, I am not comfortable where I am working right now. A few months back I had two job offers. One was a hospital photographer and the other a call center. I really felt like it was the right thing to do when I turned down the photographer job. I WAS CRAZY. lol. I felt like this one would be more flexible with school. I literally cried when I hung up the phone after saying no to the offer of photographing newborns in the hospital. It felt completely wrong but right at the same time. After Austin left and my training was over I was on my own. Everyday going in to listen to people rant and rave over their television (due to some legal papers I signed I am not permitted to say which provider...haha). I have encountered people who have no hope. Listening to their conversations saddens my heart. Listening to people yell and scream about a 3 dollar charge on their bill saddens my heart. Sitting in a box all day and coming home to an empty apartment...really saddens my heart.

Before I started reading Job I felt guilty for feeling so bitter. I felt like I should suppress it and not ask questions. But lately, I have been so honest with God. I have no one else to confide in; there is no one who understands my heart completely but Him. I guess I feel like I'm walking into a place of darkness everyday. I feel like I blur into the darkness, like I forget I am a light. I walk in to a place of despair and take despair home with me. I don't want to live that way. But I feel other people's emotions so strongly and this is what the majority of them feel...no hope...despair. I know there is a reason I am there right now. If for no other reason than to not be alone at home all day while Austin is deployed. I know I will see this as a blessing in the future. Just like Job was blessed in the end for trusting God...so will I be. But in the middle, it is life's hardships that bring us to that trust.

I normally don't ask for prayer on my blog. But if you'd like to pray for me...pray I find a job that allows me to be face to face with people in a semi-loving environment. lol. Pray I find a job that works with my school schedule..which I have found out this one will not. Pray for Austin as he also is working where he does not wish to be working (the desert). Pray for both of our hope to be restored and rest. We know we serve a faithful God. Being apart comes with being in the military and we thank God for the people He has sent us to build relationships with. You may never know how you have changed our lives during this time. We will continually thank God for his love for us. His hand is on us and He is not a God who will lead us to death, but life more abundantly. This is part of the process and we accept that. We are taking this one day at a time. We both appreciate the kind words and prayers that have already been spoken. May I touch a life the way some of you have ours.