Hidden cell phone

"I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me"

Sitting down at the place I do every morning..got my coffee...my lipgloss...my cell phone hidden...no one has come in to work yet. Someone says to me, "Why do you believe in Jesus?". Taken back by the sudden urgency of this question so early in the morning I respond..."Because he loves me". This brings on a conversation of how do I know He loves me? Look at this world we live in! Look at the tragedy and hard times in my own life! How could I say He loved me? Tears fill my heart for this beautiful unbelieving person sitting in front of me. Raised in church, force fed religion and heart hardened by tragedy...they never knew Jesus. The beautiful Jesus who holds me when I cry in the car or watches me throw fits. The Jesus who watches my fears play movies that paralyze me at night and still prays for my unbelieving heart. The Jesus I trust with my life because He is the only eternal thing I have. The only one I trust enough to even get up in the morning and live life.

I literally cry after conversations like this. I am so mad that the church doesn't teach Jesus. I am so mad that these loved ones are taught rejection by the Christian community. For a while I even boycotted church. Why go? Well, because if I don't love those people how will THEY know the love of Jesus. I think Jesus would go to church and teach people how to love each other. I think not one is worthy...including those in church. We are all human. We reject people all the time. Who am I to judge? The purpose of church is to learn and grow. I will not boycott that any more. I am no better than they are if I say I am too good to be apart of them. While sometimes I fear rejection...afraid they may see my imperfections and not allow me to associate with them. If they do, that's ok. Because "a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God not people." And I will continue to love.

I once wrote a blog about prisoners at work. I remember seeing them on the side of the road with shirts that said "thief" and "murdered". I wondered what my shirt would say. Or what would happen if we all had to wear shirts that disclosed our worst moments. I think we would embrace each other. I think we would realize how unworthy we all were. I know that Jesus loves me in spite of what my shirt says. And I believe that that is what true love is. Knowing that someone loves you regardless of what you have or will do is the ultimate love. Knowing that he also died on a cross for those exact things written on all of our shirts so that we could know His love. How great His love for me must be. How could I not cling to that? It is the greatest gift of all.

So why believe in Jesus? "I have come that you might have life and have it to the full"- Jesus. I believe in His promises. I know He is alive and I feel his love everyday. I can not help but love him.