Do you have any change?

Sometimes God will not change your circumstances until he changes your heart.

"Hello, thank you for calling. My name is Melody. Can I get you to verify the first and last name on the account?" I say this all day long at my job. Tonight I was reflecting back on the time I prayed and thanked Jesus for getting me a job here in Valdosta while waiting on school to start. I was so excited on my first day. This new thing from Jesus was so exciting! Now...not so much. Everyday I wake up alone. I go to a job where people are more concerned about television than life itself. My husband is deployed and my dog seems depressed. Life is not exactly a happy circumstance. I've wondered so many times the last few weeks if I have done something wrong. When I prayed that the Lord would change my heart and my attitude I did not expect it to be such a lonely and daunting experience. I was embracing change! The one thing I needed the most. Shouldn't this be a fairly easy process if I am in God's will?

But change only comes when we confront the fear in our lives. And the enemy is not happy when we do. Thoughts I called my own I am now realizing are lies. "Melody, what are you doing? Did you really think you could live away from your family while Austin was deployed?" "Wow Melody. Good job choice...way to turn down that photography job you were offered. You thought you were doing the right thing, huh?" And I've wanted to quit. I've wanted to quit this job and do what Melody does best...give up. I've wanted to find a happier circumstance, associating that with God's will for my life. But I am learning that change is a process. We pray and ask God to change our hearts. He does this through refining and testing of our character. And that my blog readers, is NOT happy times. Just because I feel alone doesn't mean I am. Just because it feels like I don't belong where I work doesn't mean God doesn't have a purpose for it. I am one that allows my fears to control my decisions. I think we all are. It takes a renewing of your mind everyday to push through those fears and say "I know I feel afraid but God says there is nothing to fear."

When you have lived 25 years of life paralyzed by fear...it's almost like physical therapy when you decide you want to walk again. Will you be reminded that you once couldn't move? Yes. Will you feel like the pain you feel in your body from trying to walk is too much? Yes. will you be discouraged that maybe one day you never will and this is a waste of time? Yes. Does that mean that you desiring to move again is not God's will for your life? No. Does it make Him any less sovereign or loving? No. It just means He needs to remind us that it is not possible without Him.

You see, God knows I am a co-dependant person. I find security in others. And when I knew he was calling me out of that I had no idea this would be the way out. SO I have a choice (as my mom would say)...thank God everyday for bringing me out of this circumstance the way He intended to...or go back to being paralyzed. So satan, you can suck it. Because I will not just walk...I will RUN. I may cry my way through physical therapy. I may ache to have Austin's companionship. I may worry about his safety or lively hood. But all of these things are emotions. Emotions come and go. God's promises are always true. So instead of focusing on my emotions...I need to focus on the truth. The truth is that being in God's will isn't always comfortable. It isn't roses. Knowing you need to pursue change in any area of life is difficult. Just mustering up the courage to admit it is tough. But walking through it is even harder. I always say that if satan is trying this hard to stop me....God must really be working. When you leave one thing it's not always important you enter in to a better circumstance...but that you are following the voice of God.

So I thank Him tonight through my tears. I thank Him for this time of solitude and reflection on my own character. I thank Him for teaching me how to relate to my husband in ways I never have before. I thank him for the promises He will fulfill through this muggy Georgia summer filled with gnats and call centers. : )

And satan you can still stuck it....yep...even doing the hand motion...because you are a LIAR. Can I get an amen? MAN! Where's my hand held fan? It's gettin hot in this church!! LOL.