Unbelief

"Uncompromising trust in the love of God inspires us to thank God for the spiritual darkness that envelops us..." -Ruthless Trust

One day last spring I was at work at Rutherford Academy. I had a student keep telling me that there was a bird in the closet. Well, that wasn't the craziest thing I'd heard all day but I could not hear it. All day he would peek through a tiny hole and say "I SEE IT MRS. SMITH!" Finally, I got up and entertained the thought that there could quite possibly be a bird in a closet that was never opened and stayed locked all the time. So I peeked through that tiny hole. I could not see it but I heard flapping of wings. "There is a bird in there!", I exclaimed. My student just looked at me, as if I was the one who had previously kicked a desk over that day, rolled around on the floor and refused to listen. He said, "I've been saying that ALL DAY! You should have listened the first time!" I laughed to myself and thought how ironic it was for him to say that to me and for him to be right!

So I went and got the lead teacher of our class. He seemed rugged enough to capture and free a bird. After all, he did ride his bike to work...like....20 miles....until he got hit and his bike broke. True story. We asked the class to be very quiet so as not to startle this poor bird any more than it was. He put on gloves (safety first!) and slowly opened the door. I'll never forget that little bird. I saw it's face frozen in fear, it's wings still just waiting. So Mr. lead teacher reached in and grabbed him. I have never heard a bird cry until that day. Literally it was like a small whimper cry that just made me shudder. We had opened the window and he just let it go. At first, it just hopped out and looked around like...what is going on? After a few minutes of being dazed it finally realized it was a bird and could fly. I will never forget watching it fly away.

So how is any of this relevant? I have no clue. I just wanted to tell the story.

Kidding. Well, some may think it is about the bird being freed from it's dark room of terror. Others may think it's about the bird not knowing which direction to go once it was freed. Or maybe you relate to the scared bird, frozen in fear at the mercy of a man with gloves. For me, this story is about my unbelief. Common sense did not lead me to believe that there was any way possible for a bird to be stuck in a closet that was never opened. I ignored it all day long. Then, I never believed anyone would actually touch it. Next, I never believed that it would stay still long enough to be caught. Then again when I saw him stumbling around not flying I wondered if it was too late for this little guy. It wasn't until it actually took off that I believed that bird would be ok.

In my own spiritual walk, unbelief leads to not trusting a God who is capable of more than anything I could ever ask or think. We all "hope" things turn out ok...but do we really believe?I was given a book called Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. I am realizing that even in my darkest moments I serve a God who has promised life to me. No matter what, if we trust him daily and thank him daily for whatever circumstances we wake up to...He will keep his promise. It is our untrusting hearts that keep us from experiencing God's love fully. To be continually thankful is the beginning of trusting God. So I thank Him in advance for the things I can not see, the things I don't understand, the hard circumstances, the hurt, having no air in my car on a hot day, and the gift of being alive. I believe by doing this I will learn more and more to trust my life to the God who created me. And I KNOW this is all apart of my story. I know how it ends too....Jesus has overcome to world. Somehow my life will be used to tell HIS story.

"To be grateful for an unanswered prayer, to give thanks in a state of interior desolation, to trust in the love of God in the face of marvels, cruel circumstances, obscenities, and commonplaces of life is to whisper a doxology (praise) in darkness" -B. Manning