Emotions

Taken back to the time when I was maybe 8 or 9....and I believed.
When Jesus walked on waters blue and if He helped me I could too, if I believed.
Before rational analysis and systematic thinking robbed me of a sweet simplicity.
Help me believe, cause I don't wanna miss any miracles.
Maybe I'd see much better by closing my eyes
And I could shed this grown up skin I'm in to touch an angels wings....help me believe. -Natalie grant

Driving in the car, listening to my husband talk about life...wishing there was something I could do to fulfill his desire for adventure and change. Hmmm, maybe there was! Austin had always talked about going in to the AF so I brought it up and this time I was ok with it! I had a weird peace (which I seem to forget about these days). So we packed up our things in to a tiny storage unit and held on for dear life.

Basic had it's challenges. Texas and Tennessee are not close and even if they were I'm sure security wouldn't have let me in to hug my husband. There were so many tears and lonely nights for both of us. It's funny how hard times bring everything in perspective. Sometimes it makes me sad for those who haven't had any hard times. How do they know what is important? Anyways, so basic graduation was emotional. I was so proud! He did it! And he excelled! I had also made it! Did I excell? Some people may say yes but it's the hardest thing I have ever been through....ever.

Next step, TECH SCHOOL. This is were we found out Austin's supposed 72 days of school would be pushed back until a later date. Until then, he will pull weeds. ? WHAT? You're telling me that he will be doing busy work for 4 to 6 weeks and THEN he'll start his seriously hard schooling for Air Traffic Control. Very funny GOD. Yes, God. I know everything happens for a reason and I know God has his hand in this. So whatever lesson there is to be learned we'll learn it and let you know.

A typical phone conversation....

Austin: Hey Mel! How was your day?

Mel: great! yours? what did you do?

A: Pulled weeds, ate lunch, pulled weeds.

M: Sounds...fun?

A: nope, not at all actually. Tax dollars paid for me to sweep today.

M: ummm, so what are you doing now?

A: going to work out then to chow

M: send me a picture of your food? (I like to know what he's eating)

A: ok baby!

M:Love you!

A: Love you too!

That's it. No hug. No smell of him. No seeing his face.

Hey all you wives who don't hug your husband when he comes home from work...shame on you. No really....SHAME ON YOU. And those of you who wish he'd go away..switch places with me please. Wives that take their men for granted....don't make it take living without them to appreciate them. Before Austin went into the AF I had issues with women who talked poorly of their husbands or publicly displayed distaste for a comment or action. Aren't we suppose to be their helpers? Yes we all argue but we DO NOT have a right to air out their flaws. It's called TACT. Yes, I am on a soap box because now more than ever do I want to shove women down who get on facebook and tell the world their husbands are jerks. Don't get me wrong, we all need to vent and talk to a friend now and again. But it shouldn't be to humiliate others it should be to work out emotions and feelings...decide what's rational and what's bizarre. PLEASE STOP PUBLICLY SHAMING YOUR SPOUSE (even if they rightly deserve it. Glad the Lord doesn't give us everything we deserve!). Geez. I said it. I've never said it before! That felt good!

***stepping down off soap box***

Now, if that offended you I am sorry...you shouldn't be reading my blog because I am going to be brutally honest about myself and the world around me. These days I don't have it in me to be fake. What you see is what you get and I'm learning that who I am is in Christ. His point of view matters...not yours or mine. But when I start seeing things His way it only seems to be a little more challenging. lol.

It's not easy to know that sometime near January Austin and I more than likely not reside in TN. Now it will be easier when we find out it is somewhere tropical like Florida or hawaii. Also we feel called to Alaska. lol. Jk. Anyways, the wait is very difficult. It's like being in a dark room and someone tells you that you have to live there until they decide to turn the light on. So you wait, hoping the light reveals something magical but fearing it will not look like a beach. The prayer I pray is "Lord, send us where we are needed". But my mind says "Lord, don't you send me up north or I will throw a fit!". I'm pretty honest with Him 'cause He's my best friend, my Lord, my protector...the One who knows our lives better than we do. I'm trying to be obedient.

This entry may seem a little heavy to some. It may not look like inspiring Melody blogs, but I'm sure there will be some that will. My desire is that other women who are in this same situation can read this and feel connected to someone even when they are all alone. We aren't alone ladies. We just are in a season....

over and out....

Mirror, for the things I see everyday
Fear, of not finding the way
You, for the people who underestimate me
Me, for the person that tries to see
Life, is given to those who fear death
Rain, to wash away whatever is left
Time, doesn't heal it only scabs
Memories, for those of you taking tabs
Stop looking in, start looking out
Comfort, won't be in your view without a doubt
Getting out and moving
Crying like your losing
Patterns playing for keeps
Head spinning until it sleeps.
Jesus, for brokenness
God, for direction
Holy Spirit guide me...help me stop living for perfection.
-M.S.